Yes, I am not a fan of Valentine's Day. Never have been. Or, at least, I'm not a fan of the secular version of the day. Because seeing all these people getting flowers, cakes, candies or doing stuff for their significant other just reminds me of my failures with romance. Between stupid grade school crushes, to bullshit games that the girls in high school played with me, to bad dates I had in the military and college, to that bitch Michelle Matas (and yes, I am using her real name for a reason. I'm sorry Michelle, but you don't get a free ride for fucking someone else because you were mad at me), I have had little to no luck with finding love.
All day at work, I had people, co-workers and customers alike, talking about what they were doing for their significant other. I even had an old woman say to me "I hope you're doing something nice for your lady when you get off work." I had to say to her "I am single, ma'am. Unhappily so. And I know you're trying to being nice, but all you're doing is reminding me that I'm going home to an empty home."
Yes, I was being melodramatic. But sometimes, that's how it feels. Especially on a day that reminds me that, at 31, I'm running out of time to find love.
Now, in my head, I know that's not true. My dad was in his mid 50s before he found his true love; his current girlfriend. So I've got plenty of time to find love. But in my heart? It is screaming "I want to be loved!" every time I see a happy couple.
So I leave this blog entry with a quote by Thomas Merton, a catholic priest and mystic, because this is why I don't just just seek any open arms (again, kiss my ass Michelle); “Love seeks one thing only: the good of the one loved. It leaves all the
other secondary effects to take care of themselves. Love, therefore, is
its own reward.”
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