Hail to the freaks! Thoughts on self identity

Welcome back, my beautiful freaks, to the Assassin's Den!

So I was at work yesterday, singing One-Eyed Doll's "Beautiful Freak", and I got a couple of strange looks from a co-worker who walked by.  I said "It's a song by a metal band." They went "Oh", and went back to work.  And that got me thinking about the concept of identity.

You see, there are two major forms of identity; your public identity and your self identity.  Your public identity is how others see you, and your self identity is how you see yourself.  You can control your public identity to some extent, by how you act around others, but for the most part, it is out of your control on how others perceive you.  Which is why I am focusing on self identity, the one that is completely under your control.

Self identity is how we perceive ourselves.  It is who we are when we are all alone.  It is the things we like, don't like, our education, our body image...etc.  It is what we wake up with, and what we go to bed with.  And yes, it is constantly re-evaluated as we assimilate new things, but for the most part, it remains constant as we get older, barring life changing events that rock us to our core.  And even then, we retain who we are.

I know this seems like a teen angst topic, but even people my age have existential issues if things aren't going the way we had planned.  The late Justin Carmical is proof of that; a man in his 40s made a rash decision based on kinks in his self identity.

So how does this tie into the song I was singing yesterday, and have been listening to on repeat since I started writing this?  Well, let's check out the lyrics.

You've got a face
Only a mother could love
Well I'll love you
You my Beautiful Freak

You're out of style
You're out of touch
Well I'll touch you
You my Beautiful Freak

Beautiful Freak

I'll be your mama
I'll be your brother
I'll be your sister
I'll be your lover

Your Pain
Your Pleasure
My Beautiful Freak
BEAUTIFUL FREAK

All my life
So lonely
Didn't know I was
a Beautiful Freak

To my pleasure
You've shown me
Now I love you
My Beautiful Freak
Beautiful Freak
My Beautiful freak
Beautiful freak

I'll be your mama
I'll be your brother
I'll be your sister
I'll be your lover

Your Pain
Your Pleasure
My Beautiful Freak

Kind of uplifting, in a dark way, isn't it?  It's about finding love just by being yourself.  Which also says, to me, that you can find happiness by just being yourself. By not letting anyone or anything tell you how you should be.  By not letting your circumstances tell you that who you are isn't right.  If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone, who cares what anyone else thinks? (And that's the kicker though; so long as it doesn't hurt anyone.  That's other people and yourself.  Justin's rash decision has me on a crusade to promote suicide prevention.) Play your strange video games, watch your strange movies, write your strange songs and stories!  Be the beautiful freak that you are, and don't worry about what anyone thinks of you.  Yes, your public identity still affects you, but when it comes down to it, when everyone walks away and you're left alone, you have to live yourself. So celebrate what makes you a freak.

So I leave you with this thought; even if you have a face only a mother could love, it is still your face. Love it, celebrate it, and never let anyone or anything belittle it.  Because you are a Beautiful Freak!